Thearpist
by JLove
Summary: I hate it that he flirts with other girls. I hate it when he lies. I hate it when he drinks. Most of all I hate it when I can't hate him.


Therapist

Serial lover, seducer of hearts,

you ply weapons dangerous and keen:

words flashing like stilettos.

You coax the polestar from the night,

capstones are playing, as we dance,

to rhythms of a sultry flamenco.

I do not always wear the right costume.

As you flay and betray me, I secretly hope

that time wounds all heels. With Freudian Sogifo,

you swear that I am blinded by hindsight.

Crafty, these confidence men.

Wisk! Wisk! Wisk! Goes the blade.

You're right, it's a classic case

of mistaken identity. I keep confusing you

with someone who gives a damn.

Diane Ackerman

I just sort of sat there. There were no roses. There were no words of poetry like I thought there would be. There were no strong arms around me. Just smoke and sweat. I wrap the blanket around my naked body. I lean to peer into the bathroom, he is washing his face. There is silence. No sounds of soft words between lovers. I look again, he is pulling his pants on. I turn of the lamp next to the bed to only moonlight floods the room. I start to cry to the rocking of the ship.

"Oh Jesus," He mutters and enters the bedroom shirtless. "What's wrong?" He sits on the bed next to me wrapped only in the blanket. He wipes a tear from my cheek.

"Nothing." I lie, I don't want him to think I am just some little girl. I am already embarrassed because I am several years younger than him. "I love you." I try to lean into him.

"Yeah, about that," He starts, rising from the bed and putting his shirt on "When we get to New York I think it's best if we don't see each other that often."

"What?"

"Well, I mean, It's just that my parents sent me around Europe to live life not get married to a-" He stopped before he said anything, but whatever it was wasn't going to be nice.

"But, you said I could live with you. You, you promised"

"I did Babe, but I sort of realized that isn't such a good idea." He went to his trunk and started shuffling through it.

I looked around, the small cabin rocking. The little window seems to be getting smaller. The ocean outside seemed like a new welcoming home. The wallpaper cracking at the corners that seemed so magnificent the night before. "I left my family for you." I sounded like a child, I was sniffling, almost sobbing out the words. "You said we could come to America, and meet your family."

"Yeah, I went to Dublin and I had a good time, we had a good time. But all good times must end." He said on a cheery note.

"No," I said as I reached for his hand. "They don't." My smile under my tears.

"Yes," He took his hand back. "They do. Because I need to go to law school and I can't have some Irish tart following me." He threw me my dress from the corner. I scrambled into it, not taking my eyes off him. How could words so soft have come from him now? He seems so heartless. He head back to the bathroom. "Not to say I didn't have fun, I did Babe. I had a great time, you're really swell" He kept talking but I didn't listen. I see money on the dresser. My heart sunk.

He came back into the bedroom once I was dressed. If he does what I think he is going to do it will take every ounce of myself not to murder him. "There was an empty room in 3rd class. I talked to the captain and he said you could sleep there tonight. We dock in New York tomorrow." He handed me a key to room 508. I took it and stood up to face him. His black hair only half slicked back now, his blue eyes that once seemed full of love. He had some stubble around his deep jaw line. He looked perfect and just passed him I spotted a mirror. I looked at my reflection, my eyes red and puffy, red hair loose around my shoulders, by dress was wrinkled. I was a whore standing next to a god. I didn't have to ask if he ever loved me, he would just lie.

I walked passed him to the door. I was almost out of there when he did exactly what I knew he would do.

"Oh, Meggs," I turn to him with closed eyes. We stood two feet away from each other yet he still extended his hand. In it I see ten dollars. "Babe, I feel bad because you know I said you didn't need mon-"

"You said I didn't need to bring any money because we could live off love." My voice sounded colder than I ever thought it could.

"Yeah, that. Well, for your trouble." I wanted so bad not to take that money. I tried, I even considered slapping him. But I knew I needed it. So with a quivering hand I took it and stepped out the door and onto the deck.

For a moment I debated jumping over the railing but decided against it. I was not that week. So I walked down to 3rd class. I never pictured losing my virginity would end up like this. I wanted to go home, I wanted to feel safe, I wanted to die but I knew I could do none.

The next morning I only saw Allan for a moment before he got into his carriage and rode off. He didn't even notice me. I looked around the busy port. I was completely lost. Completely alone.

Then I met Luke Jeffery Conner and he changed everything.


End file.
